Receipt Rundown
by LilyGhost
Summary: Stephanie finds a way of offsetting boredom on a job.
1. Chapter 1

**This is just an odd little story that was rolling around in my head after I saw a commercial with a similar receipt theme. All familiar characters belong to Janet.**

"Gross, Steph," Ram said to me. "Don't touch that. It probably qualifies as a bioweapon now."

"It only has one boot print where it got folded ... it's fine."

"It was lying on the ground, I don't want to think about how many - or what type of - germs are on it."

I rolled my eyes. "It's a _store_ _receipt_ , not a used condom or something covered in anthrax."

He winced and likely stifled a groan, but he let me have fun amusing myself. We're stuck here waiting to see if the girlfriend of our FTA will produce him. And since Ranger's men are punctual to the point of being unnecessarily early for _everything,_ it isn't like I have a lot of things to do besides eat the chips and drink the soda I just bought. As usual, he got a bottle of water and two protein bars, so he wasn't in any hurry to dig in.

Once we got back into our vehicle, okay one of _Ranger's_ personal vehicles ... a perk of loving, and being loved, by The Boss, I straightened the little piece of thin paper, and out of sheer boredom read what was bought under store manager Kurt Chasm's watch.

"Well ... what's on it?" My partner for the day asked.

" _Now_ you're interested?"

"We've got some time to kill and you've already absorbed whatever cooties were on it."

I turned to him and raised both eyebrows. " _Cooties?_ "

He shrugged his considerable shoulders. "I already said germs, I wouldn't want to be repetitive."

"No, _of course_ you wouldn't."

Each takedown or surveillance job I have to do without Ranger, has given me opportunities to find out just how fun, sweet, considerate as well as protective, these men are. They're also nosy as hell when they're bored, which would be now for him, too. Ranger's guys are prepared, built, and trained, for action and they aren't thrilled when it comes to just sitting around waiting for it.

"It looks like our shopper," I said to him, "bought a bottle of Merlot, pliers, broccoli, glitter, Swedish Fish, Diet Coke, and guacamole."

"What the fuck kinda sense does that make? Excuse the language."

See what I mean about being considerate?

"I keep telling you guys, a swear or two won't kill me."

"But _Ranger_ will kill _us_ if he hears one said where you can hear it."

He has a point. My man doesn't condone swearing in front of a lady ... and for some strange reason he believes _I_ am one. Go figure.

"Fine. To be fair ... I promise I won't swear, either."

He didn't buy it.

"Why do you think someone needs broccoli and pliers?" I asked, trying to picture this customer's life.

"Maybe they needed tool-reinforcements to get their kid to eat it."

"That's a good guess. And the wine?"

"Could be a reward for themselves for getting the vegetable into the kid."

"You eat vegetables all the time," I pointed out, "and you don't need a reward for doing it. Though that smoked salmon/Gouda/sprout thing you choked down on Monday definitely deserved a _'I just ate that!_ ' prize."

"Put enough cheese or hot sauce on something, and it becomes surprisingly edible."

"More like _inedible_."

"I'm not opposed to wine or a beer, but keeping myself and my friends alive is all the reward I need for anything I do."

I fanned my face with a hand. "I'm warning you ... saying stuff like that will melt even the starchiest panties."

" _Jesus, Steph,_ " he said, scanning the interior of the Cayenne like he was searching for a listening device, knowing Ranger the car is no doubt bugged, "don't mention _underthings_!"

"I wasn't saying _mine_. You need to relax."

"And you need to not get me shot."

"Ranger knows _he's_ the _only_ guy that will _ever_ get to see _my underthings_ , so he wouldn't shoot you. Besides, this shopper could've had underwear on their receipt and that's what I was referring to."

"They didn't and Ranger knows it."

"Yep, Ranger knows _everything_ ," I said, repeating a popular Rangeman mantra. "So we've crossed off something green, something calming, and something potentially painful. What about the candy, glitter, soda, and dip minus the chips?"

"A little kid could've grabbed the candy ..." he said, still watching every car that came in, waiting for the blue Honda that will put a _captured_ tag on this job.

"Or a thirty-something-year-old woman with a sweet tooth like me."

Another shrug. "It's possible."

"And the guacamole?" I asked.

"Is there pita or corn chips on there?"

"Nope. I don't suppose they need the Coke to wash down the avocado mush, that stuff's pretty slimy on its own."

"Why not just get potato chips for a snack?"

"That's an excellent question since they have all kinds of flavors now ... like Biscuits and Gravy, Dill Pickle, and Dark Chocolate-covered ones."

He was now eyeing his snack funny. "These things suck in comparison."

I waved my Kettle Cooked Barbecue chips in his direction. "You can have some of mine. I didn't dig in yet so you don't have to worry about any licked-finger germs or cooties."

" _Freeze!_ " He ordered, when I went to stick my hand into the bag clearly mislabeled ' _Family_ Size'. He leaned forward in the passenger's seat, pulled out his wallet, and slid one of those fast food Wet-Nap packets out of it. "Use this before you touch those. An ER trip isn't on our agenda."

"I never would've pegged you for a germophobe."

"I'm not. Let me put it to you this way ... would you go lick the parking lot right now? Because it's the same thing."

Shit. I glared at him as I snatched the 'moist towelette' from the two fingers he had it sandwiched between, but he only laughed at my expression. It was a really nice sound ... one I don't get to hear very often. I made a mental note to work harder to change that.

When I was done with it, I stuck the opened packet inside my shoulder bag so Ranger's car could stay pristine. "I'm all clean, do you want to share now?" I asked him.

"No, I'm good. I'll just make a cheeseburger or two when I get home."

"Hold on ... you cook? Like you can actually _cook_ /cook?"

"Yeah ... when I can. It's a productive way to unwind."

"How come I didn't know about this?" I asked.

"I thought I'd be safer with you not knowing. After the guys on monitor duty tracked your candy bar run at 2 am when Ranger was in the middle of an apprehension, I figured if you knew I could make fudge in less time than it'd take you to drive to the store, my apartment would be your first stop whenever you're stressed, which could piss Ranger off."

"Hey ... the skip Ranger was after that night is a known psycho, I _needed_ chocolate."

"And if you knew I make a killer mac & cheese BLT, Ramen pizza, or cheesecake brownies?"

I sighed in defeat. "You're right. And you were definitely smart to keep quiet. I'd have been at your door instead of the convenience store ... which is now going to happen so you'd better stock up."

"Yes, Ma'am," he said, saluting me.

"Plus, I'd much rather spend time with you than my mom or the cashier at the 7-11 when I need a food-related cure-all. I can bring spoons and guacamole for an appetizer, and we can have wine and Swedish Fish for dessert to commemorate this capture. I'm not sure what the hell to do with glitter, though."

"Sprinkle it in Binkie's Wheaties?"

" _No_."

"Alright, it's a date anyway."

My cell ringing at that exact moment had my smile getting bigger, but caused my partner to go three shades paler than his I-run-laps-in-the-sun tan he has going.

"Oh crap," he said, knowing like I do that it's Ranger calling.

I got a slight neck tingle - and a tingle _a lot_ lower - while Ram most likely got an intestinal cramp. The guys all look up to Ranger, to the point of hero worship, but they're also scared spitless of him.

"Hiya, Batman," I said when I answered. "What's going on?"

"Your skip is five minutes out," he informed me.

" _Really?_ I thought this could be a waste of time because no FTA would be dumb enough to go near the person who bailed them out. Both of them should know she'd be the first one I targeted."

"He _is_ that stupid, so this should be a standard grab-and-go."

"I'm ready. Ram is, too."

My big, badass, and brave, Rangeguy was now making ' _don't mention me_ ' gestures with his hands. I can understand that one, since 'a date' would normally be filed under the header ' _Don't ever say in reference to Stephanie_ ', and I've pushed the envelope on that already for saying underwear, panties, and condom. Ranger must be in a good mood because he didn't immediately threaten to beat anyone up.

"He'd better not be _too_ ready," my man said.

"He didn't mean anything by the _D_ -word," I assured the guy I can't imagine waking up or going to sleep without. "I was planning to pick up the broccoli and adding chicken to the list so you'll have something to eat, too. _You_ being with me on any date is a given."

"I make a good stir-fry," Ram chimed in to save his ass.

Not that he had to. I've made sure Ranger will never have to doubt my love, loyalty, or my heart and hormone obsession, with him. But despite how persuasive I've been when I tell him _'I love you_ ', or in showing him just how much I do, he can still turn territorial in the blink of an eye.

"Get your skip and we'll talk food afterwards," my man in black stated.

"I won you over with a green vegetable, didn't I?"

"You won me over long ago with less than the promise of broccoli, Babe."

" _Damn_ ," I muttered.

"What?" He asked.

"I can't believe you just made broccoli sound sexy."

"Does that mean you'll eat it?"

"Only if you're willing to feed it to me," I told him.

"Ummm," Ram interrupted, "I'm still here."

I gave him an apologetic smile that I genuinely meant. When Ranger and I talk or are in the same room together, bystanders get caught in the crossfire.

"Your target is turning into the parking lot. Make me proud, Babe," he said before disconnecting.

That's what I needed to hear. Making him proud and making sure he still loves me, are the two biggest motivators for getting me out of bed every morning.

"You ready, Steph?" Ram asked, one hand already on the door handle.

"Yep. And after we get rid of this guy, The Boss and I are coming over for dinner."

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything," he said under his breath.

"You don't have anything to worry about."

"Yeah, right."

"You don't. I'll buy the ingredients on our way back to Rangeman and I'll make Ranger promise to be on his best non-threatening behavior."

" _No one_ can control Ranger's behavior."

"Not completely, no, but have you seen Morelli's or Vinnie's obituary in the paper?"

"No."

"So clearly I have some skills. I'm just giving you a chance to brag about yours now. There he is," I said, spotting the crap car we've been waiting on, "it's showtime."

"You occupy the girlfriend and I'll get him."

"Sure."

That isn't exactly how it played out. The girlfriend got all gooey-eyed in the presence of a real man, my Rangeguy, and our skip turned on her. Seeing her ogle another man right in front of him had Dwayne Lobber calling her all the names I would've shot him for. Although it pissed us off, his preoccupied tirade gave me a clear chance at his wrists. I had him cuffed before he even realized Ram had a partner in crime.

"You really are a fucking asshole, Dwayne. You know that?" Sheila - the girlfriend and bond-payer - yelled at the man she must've liked at some point.

Unfortunately for us, her too tight and _way too small_ tank top couldn't hide the name _Dwayne_ that's tattooed in blue ink on the upper part of her chest. I don't know why, how, or when, their relationship turned into this train wreck, but I didn't have the patience at the moment to care. Sheila decided it was her turn to shout obscenities at her 'better half' as Ram secured him in the backseat of my car.

"You can do way better," said in the general vicinity of both was all the pep-talk I was up for.

Neither seemed like they'd want or expect more than each other, and I'm not about to waste my day trying to convince either that they could become better people if they found better company.

I drove Ram and 'Dwayne the asshole' to the station and he handled our FTA while I gave Eddie the rundown on this takedown as we waited for the capture receipt. My RangeMan for the day did groan out loud this time when I pulled into the lot for Shop 'n Bag and parked.

"You were serious?" He asked me.

"Yup. Hal, Cal, and Junior, should be getting off their shifts soon, we can have an impromptu 'dinner party'. I just need you to tell me what to get."

"I should never have opened my big mouth."

"Your mouth is fine. I'll even help you cook."

"God help me."

"You don't need God for this, you have us. We're a family ... which means no matter how annoying we are, we're always going to help each other out. Whether it's in a Walmart parking lot apprehending a douchebag, or standing shoulder to shoulder in your kitchen, chopping and stir-frying broccoli for Batman."

It took me three decades to find them, but Ranger and his people are the family I've always wanted and desperately needed.


	2. Waiting Game

**I don't know who was more in the mood to tease the other, Steph or Lester, but they convinced me to add another Range-Man game. All characters belong to Janet. The mistakes are mine alone.**

"Okay, Steph," Lester told me, "ready, set ... _go_. Describe Hal in three words."

"You were actually serious about playing this game?"

"Yeah. What the hell else do we have to do until we see your skip's ugly mug pulling up? So _go_. Hal is ... "

" _Kind_ , _loyal_ , and _forgiving_ ... when someone accidentally sorta on purpose stuns him."

"Damn. You make him sound like a Golden Retriever puppy."

I sent Hal another mental apology because I picture exactly that, just in a much-larger, two-legged form.

"He's also sweet like one too," I added.

Lester cringed on Hal's behalf. "You do know that _Hal_ is who Ranger calls in to get answers out of someone without any bloodshed. Hal watched his buddy bleed out after a car crash during their senior year of high school. He can't stomach the sight of it now, but he can still make assholes spill stuff other than blood."

"Oh God ... poor Hal," I said, my hand flying to my mouth in horror at what my Halosaurus had to live through, then and all these years since.

" _Sorry_. Didn't mean to bum you out. Let's move on. Sum up Bobby in _two_ words this time."

"That one's easy ... _friend_ and _protector_."

"Hey ... what the hell am I then?"

"You didn't ask me to describe _you_ ," I reminded him. "But you're the brother I never had ... and some days not real sure I want."

He nodded. "Okay ... how about Tank in four?"

" _Intense_ , _strong_ , _intimidating_ , and _funny_."

"You're one of a very small group of people who's gotten to see that side of him."

"Yep, I'm one of the lucky ones. Going to Shorty's with just him and Ranger is alternate reality-material. They pick on each other something fierce."

"They are _blood brothers_ if not brothers by blood."

I nodded. It's not hard to spot the trust, respect, and affection, that exists between the two. You can tell they've been through hell together, but got each other out the other side of it every time.

"That's the perfect way of putting their friendship into words," I told Lester.

"It's how _we all_ think of each other, Steph."

"Yeah ... I see that now. I thought you all were always quiet because you were focused solely on whatever job we were doing at the time, but now I understand that the silent statue-thing is what outsiders get until people like me are accepted into the group ... then there's no shutting you up, especially if I do something epically-good or insanely-bad."

"We take you and your safety _very_ seriously."

"I know. Ranger will kill you if you don't."

"There is that, but we have our own reasons separate from the Boss'. How about Cal in five?" He prompted.

" _Cool_ , _controlled_ , _sad_ , _empathetic_ , and _deliberate_."

"Why would you call him sad?"

"He wants someone to love, but he hasn't found the woman worthy of him yet."

"He could be playing the field in the meantime."

"He _could_ , but he isn't. He prefers being alone when he's not hanging out with all of us."

"True that. I've been trying to get him out of his head and out of the building when we're off-duty, but he remains a loner. We've all noticed that he'll talk to you."

"Enough to make me want him to be happy."

"He will be. You'll insist on it. Vince in one."

" _Sharp_... in intelligence and wit."

"Six words about Ram?"

"Hmmm ... let's see ... _respectful_ , _professional_ , _playful, creative_ , _optimistic_ , and _fast_."

"Because he caught you body-slamming The Boss down a flight of stairs before Ranger could get you both upright or you could attempt to ravage him?"

"I was late and in a hurry and Ranger was unfortunately/fortunately filling up my escape route. He really should've sensed me barreling towards him and just let me take a header alone."

Lester snorted. "Like he'd ever do that."

"He does tend to put his body between me and everything else."

"Love does that to a guy."

"Speaking as a guy who knows that from experience?" I asked, wondering if he has someone in his life he's seriously interested in and just hasn't dished about her yet.

"I have a few feelers out."

"You better mean that you've met somebody you're falling hard for. If not, I'm going to knee you in your _feelers_."

Now he cringed for real. "It's the first one. I'm not stupid enough to risk anything I know you'd try to relocate up into my throat. Now onto Woody for eight."

" _Trusting_ , _polite_ , _amusing_..."

He sighed in mock-frustration. "That's the same thing as funny. And you already used that for Tank," he pointed out.

"Nope, funny is a full-on _hah-hah_. Amusing is more of an _Huh_ -HAH!"

"If you say so," he said with a shrug. "Keep going."

"Are you really this bored?"

"Yep. Couldn't sleep last night and I don't wanna get fired by - or get a beatdown from - Ranger by catching up on it now. Continue ... you're on number four."

"From the top ... Woody's _trusting_ , _polite_ , _amusing_ , _self_ - _deprecating_... hyphens count as _one_ word," I warned him. He threw his hands up in defeat, so I kept going. " _Soothing_ , _tough_ , _sneaky_ , and _smiley_."

"Smiley isn't a word, Steph."

"It _is_ in _my_ world. And he always finds something worth smiling about, even on the shittiest days."

"Maybe you were right and I shouldn't have started this game, but I'm up to my nuts in it now ... so Junior in nine."

"If I would've known something like this was going to be your way of killing time, I would've done a little studying first. Hold on," I said, as a lightbulb went off in my head, "I have my cell. I could've been using it all along to hunt for Rangeguy-descriptors."

"That's cheating, Steph. Talk from the gut."

"Saying stuff like that will have your lady swooning in no time," I teased, already planning on asking Ranger to help me invade Lester's privacy and private life as soon as I'm back inside the Rangeman building.

"Too late for that one. Let's stay focused on the guys. Junior's up."

"Chicken," I teased. "Junior's _sensitive_ , _alert_ , _chivalrous_ , _thoughtful_ , _stoic_ , _attentive_ , _smart_ , _complimentary_ , and too- _quiet_ at times."

"I'm sure you know that Junior's mom has had cancer three times now ... bladder, breast, and bone marrow. Being one of the fortunate, he loves her and it's returned. It's been just the two of them for as long as he can remember. I bet not a second goes by that he isn't agonizing about possibly losing her."

"Ranger and I have stayed up some nights talking with him about that ... and about what an impressive woman and Mom she is. As always, Junior hopes for the best as he tries to brace himself for the worst."

"He has a support system in all of us. A lot of quality _Call Of Duty_ game-time has been put in when he and Hal or a few other guys can't sleep. Now describe me in ten."

"You already snuck yourself in and I admitted that you're the obnoxious brother I didn't have."

"I deserve more than just that."

"Fine, but are you sure you want to give me extra adjectives for _you_? This could go bad real fast."

"I can handle it."

"Alright. You Lester Santos are _smartassy_ \- which is also a word, so shut it - _cocky_ , _irritating_ , _maddening_..."

"That's the same thing again, Steph. You're fucking up the rules right and left."

I was already shaking my head. "I can't mess up rules that don't freakin' exist! You've just been making them up as we go. And irritating and maddening aren't the same when it comes to you. You being irritating means we threaten to choke you to get you to stop. Maddening is when we feel like pulling out our own hair after an encounter with you. See? _Different!_ I'll also add _frustrating_ because I'm feeling very frustrated right now. But I'll switch gears and say that you're also _honest_ , _unflappable_ , _caring, patient, and vulnerable."_

"Shit ... this _was_ a bad idea. I am _not_ vulnerable. I'm as hard as they come. I'm basically a fucking robot … with _very large_ feet."

Now I shrugged. "Hey ... this is _your_ game. I was just playing along to humor you. And you _are_ vulnerable just like the rest of us, which is why you're suddenly tensing up. I hit too close to home and it's making you twitchy. A robot you are definitely not. You, Santos, are a big 'ol softie with a huge heart."

I wouldn't touch the very large _feet_ insinuation with a ten-foot pole.

"Says you ... and _only_ you. Got it?" He warned. "We're running out of wait-time, so the Boss in seven ... since you do live on seven now, which is about damn time according to all of us."

I didn't hesitate when it comes to Batman. "Ranger's _uniquely-romantic_ , _heroic_ , _fearless_ , _deadly_ , smokin'- _hot_ , powerful ... and also my _fiance_."

Alright ... I did take a slight pause before saying that last one, since Ranger and I haven't made it official in the sense of telling anyone except Julie yet.

"Are you shittin' me?" Lester asked, his mouth dropping open far enough to catch at least a dozen flies that will likely be buzzing around my expected FTA when he rolls up to his trailer after a hopefully unsuccessful day of Dumpster diving.

"I'm actually not kidding this time. Ranger and I discussed it, agreed that it's a step we both want and need to take, and the ring is sitting in my Brown Bear cookie jar on seven just waiting for us to share the news."

Lester's grin isn't surprising, but the width of it had me suddenly feeling uneasy.

"What are you up to?" I asked with a calm I didn't feel.

"I was going to have fun sharing our ... what did you call it - 'accidentally on purpose' - _recorded_ game with the guys the next time we all get together, but now I'm going to blast it over every speaker in the building bright and early tomorrow morning. I feel it's my duty to spread the news of an impending Rangeman wedding."

"Not if Ranger and I beat you to it. I can text him now and everyone in four states will know in six seconds flat."

His grin is definitely well within the shit-eating range. "Sorry, Steph. You don't have time. Your skip's home. It's time to knock him down and then lock him up. Get your cuffs out and follow me."

He was out of our fleet vehicle before I could say anything. I bet it would annoy the shit out of him to learn that I don't have any objections to his plan. Only Ranger would know how unafraid I am of our guys hearing exactly how I feel about them. They've all let me into their lives, separately and collectively, and I vowed I'll always do everything I can to help improve each and every one of theirs.


End file.
